I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
