Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
