i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize