sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
