Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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