I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
