Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
