Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
