Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
