Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
