why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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