just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
