I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
