We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
