I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
