he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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