watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
