I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
