I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
