Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
