I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
