my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
