I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His nipple licking is glorious
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