woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
