masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
