yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
