So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
