when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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