i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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