At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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