walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
