Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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