I wish my penis had an off switch
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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