O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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