I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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