were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
