Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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