And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
