I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
