I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
