i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
