In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
