Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
