this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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