I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
