my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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