You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
