You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
