Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
