apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
